497e39180f After a convoy of American soldiers disappears, a special ops team is deployed to rescue them. They soon encounter an army of gigantic scorpions, spiders and snakes that have come to Earth from another dimension. I laughed. I cried. I watched from behind the sofa with my mouth open. I was stunned.<br/><br/>Don&#39;t get me wrong, any amazement I felt at this movie was incredulity at the sheer amateurish antics of everyone involved with the making of this… this… I want to say film, but can&#39;t. A film has some sort of structure - a plot, acting, cinematics. But this … thing… doesn&#39;t have anything.<br/><br/>I&#39;ve seen better, deeper, better filmed and more thoughtful movies in the epic fails section on YouTube. This was made by a group of less talented members of a high school film club, scripted by one of their primary school siblings using an encyclopedia of clichés, and using clothes store mannequins sonot to pay real actors. Well, that is what it looks like, and I am probably doing down the film club here.<br/><br/>The acting is of the densest mahogany, the script is (very old) cheese from the very first word, the graphics are laughably bad attempts from the 1970&#39;s, the music hand-recorded from inside an elevator, the lighting performed with flashlights. And the director can only aspire to the greatness of Ed Wood, astonishingly making even the atrociously bad Uwe Boll look like an auteur in comparison.<br/><br/>The worst fifteen minutes of my life! And they brought it out in 3Dwell! Amazing! A wormhole opens up in Afghanistan and a team of US soldiers of vague ethnicities is sent to deal with it and also find the mad scientist responsible. They encounter huge creatures which have been enlarged by crystals coming out of the wormhole. (I think…) A scientist called William Marx is drafted to helphe knew the mad scientist. Also in the team is Catherine Deckert who is Marx&#39;s ex-wife. (What are the odds of them getting together again?) Not an original plot and not an original film. In fact a very poor one with no tension or excitement, comic moments that fall flat on their face and a badly constructed script, not to mention the laughable CGI monsters.<br/><br/>The characters are all irritating. Jack PlotnickMarx tries to be amusing but fails and Ted JonasLt. Steven Raiger shouts most of his dialogue for some unknown reason. It&#39;s a terrible bit of acting that would disgrace a primary school performance. All throughout there are lines of dialogue that don&#39;t make sense and the characters act in a way no real person would. The music score by Johnny Wilson is the only worthwhile element in the film. Apart from, of course, the hilarious talking snakes.
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344 weeks ago